IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #401
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Main DDPYoga Program of the Day: Stand Up 2.0
Thoughts on Rampage – January 27th, 2023
1. It’s Friday night, and you know what that means; the improving but still inconveniently-timed AEW final hour is hitting the airwaves. I’d do a thoughts column on the Jay Briscoe tribute show, but I just don’t feel right reviewing something like that. It’s well worth the experience of watching though.
2. We’re opening up with Hangman facing the guy who selectively remembers he has a stable, Wheeler Yuta. I don’t expect this to be the level of intensity of his induction match, but I imagine he’ll look good before he loses to Hangman. I don’t think Yuta has much of a chance, but that’s okay.
3. More of the intense Yuta, please. Even if he’s not going over, it’s good to have that kind of consistency. I feel like they didn’t capitalize on that amazing match with Mox as well as they could’ve. It was one of the best stories I’ve seen told in a match in the last few years.
4. I’m not quite sure what to make of this Hangman angle with his complicated feelings toward Mox. I’m giving it time to see where it goes, but I feel like they had a good chance to build off the first one this week, but instead Yuta cut in. What was with the “hey, can you tell him… nevermind.” It’s a hint toward something but I don’t know where it’s going, and I’m not sure if that’s the point.
5. Hangman lets up a little bit, and Yuta flies out of nowhere like Hangman went after his mother in Smallville or something.
6. Hangman “bucklebombs” Yuta into the ring apron, that’s nasty-looking no matter the overbearing density of the section of the fighting surface in comparative proportion to all the others.
7. JR must know it’s Royal Rumble season. After a kickout of a second rope Attitude Adjustment, we get a “are you kidding me?” All we need is an “ohhohohohoohoho!” and a “how are they gonna get this huge person out of the ring (that somehow gets eliminated within a minute every year)” and I’ll have Royal Rumble Commentary Bingo.
8. Wheeler Yuta must’ve been playing his vintage PS WWF games, because the Multiple German Suplexes was by far the most fun move back in the days of Smackdown 2. And that’s pretty much the relative recency of my video game knowledge.
9. Yuta hits a nasty, nasty suplex on Hangman on the outside, and that was way too close for comfort of driving Page’s head right into the ground. I’m sure it was perfectly fine, but it’s way too soon for me to be comfortable seeing something that close. I don’t want to see any more young careers cut short.
10. Yuta counters the Buckshot Lariat and gets a really close call with a splash from the top rope. He hasn’t quite mastered the anvil elbows yet though. One of many people to have a rolling elbow strike, Hangman gets him right in the temple. The series of counters to get the Buckshot Lariat to hit though was really damn good.
11. Oh no, goin’ to school! Instead of going for the fall, Hangman goes extra with the Paradigm Shift. I guess the complicated, concerned empathy side has been dwarfed by the petty vengeance side. Helluva performance by both though, Yuta looks great in defeat as expected.
12. Action Andretti is shocked… shocked, I say, that the group fundamentally built on cheating with a numbers advantage cheated with a numbers advantage. Ricky Starks names as many things as he can with the word “beat” in it. Unfortunately, no Killer Tofu, but you can only hit the dartboard so many times in one try.
13. Eddie Kingston has come to a place of understanding with the House of Black. The lifelong goal of seeing Eddie Kingston hang out with the Cruxshadows of wrestling gets a little bit closer to midnight.
14. Next, we have the Lethal stable against the Best Friends and Danhausen, and given how many times the former stable has lost, and that Danhausen is wrestling, I’m unfortunately expecting the evil one to take the fall. I don’t understand how he’s booked, to be honest. He gets as big of a reaction as anyone, but he rarely wrestles, and when he does, he almost always loses. Then again, the Best Friends don’t fare much better, so…
15. Danhausen has a damn Ukulele (or a guitar, thanks JR), and Satnam smashes it. Result or not, give me that HAMmy goodness.
16. Lethal wrestling again, what, an hour after being put through a table and having a long match with Mark Briscoe? That’s damn impressive, no matter how long he’s hidden in the protection of the six-man tag.
17. Danhausen gets a bigger pop than the hometown Chuck Taylor, and they talk about how much merch he sells. Repeat of thought 14.
18. Satnam gets tagged in, and we don’t get to see him much either. Meanwhile, the supposed fractures within the BFFs and OC are referenced, though they haven’t been followed up on too much. I’m considering that anything that could be considered sad in nature was probably put off a bit in the last few weeks. Not saying that’s the reason, but it is a possibility that storylines have been restructured or delayed in the last few weeks of programming because of the recent tragedy.
19. Chuck Taylor gets another hot tag. The crowd reacts well, and they start chanting, but for Orange Cassidy I think. I couldn’t quite make it out.
20. We get ourselves a good ol’ fashioned figure four, and then Satnam just comes in and smacks him. Danhausen tags in to a huge reaction, so how long until he loses? His offense, despite its complete lack of effect, continues to get huge crowd participation. Though they finally use the devastating turnbuckle, and Orange gets involved. Danhausen steals Jarrett’s guitar, but the ref takes it. This distraction is enough time for Jarrett to use the Golden Globe award they stole to take out Danhausen for the one-foot cover pin. It was fun while it lasted.
21. More Ruby Soho on my screen? Yes please. We get the “someone’s about to talk but another person slow claps off-screen” trope for the 34835th time. Britt Baker comes in to begrudgingly give Ruby credit, but demands she takes a side. Always a great way to get people to take your side, insult them first. Great idea.
22. Powerhouse Hobbs is out next to wreck some fool. He’s facing Tony Mudd, who has no idea that his back has just two days left until retirement.
23. Tony was trained by Al Snow, so I guess Tony did it the way that Al wanted it done. Tough Enough was weird.
24. They’ve really packed in the pretape promos for this one. Top Flight is recapping their recent run of good luck, and they invite AR Fox to come back for a shot at the trios titles. Right on, that’ll be fun.
25. Dustin, who has also dealt with personal tragedy, also gets interrupted by Swerve and the gang. Good to see Swerve wasn’t absent, and he gets under Dustin’s skin by mentioning his brother and his dad. He goes straight to the School of Rock by telling Swerve to step off.
26. Backstage with Mark Henry, and he gets a fullscreen for the same preview we saw on Dynamite. Last week was the same. Why don’t they all get the split screen treatment? Mark says his line, so it’s time for the main event, except no, it’s time for another promo interruption. Jade gets cut off by the former Baddies, who are definitely going to win whatever match comes out of this. Red Velvet says she’ll be the 1 in 49-1. I’m totally sure that’ll happen.
27. Emi Sakura is back on TV and in the main event no less. Is that a Kevin Thorn and Ariel cosplay with her? I didn’t catch the names of who it was, but they say it’s her court, so I assume they follow her around and say repeatedly, “all hail, Queen Sakura!”
28. Jamie Hayter is so over, it’s ridiculous. And good on her for it.
29. This show is so jam-packed with content that we have to wait until the match itself for Excalibur’s Micro-Machines guy impression rundown of next week. That’s what Rampage should be though, although we could do with some people being able to get through their promos before someone says some shit. Or at least a sentence.
30. I don’t know a great deal about Emi Sakura, but the commentary team, particularly Jericho, does a great job going through the refresher course. It’s also good to see a face that we only typically see on Dark getting main event screen time.
31. Jamie is so over that Emi dealing with people trying to interfere in the match gets booed. That is an impressive level of crowd support.
32. I really dig Jamie’s new hair look, the black with the grey in front. I have a friend who has a look like that naturally and I think it looks badass.
33. Jamie gets the huge fire comeback, and it’s all just so much fun. Emi Sakura’s chest looks like one of some fan remarking too loudly that they could take a Low-ki chop without selling it. Which is something I definitely witnessed happening one time and the result was priceless.
34. Jamie gets the win, which was expected, but a hell of a match in the process. Credit to both, and credit to AEW for a second straight women’s main event on Rampage. This show was good, if a bit predictable. Vibes of the days when Sunday Night Heat was really good, if that makes sense. You knew most of the results but some excellent wrestling still came out of it.
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
You bring a ukulele to the ring to parody Jeff Jarrett, I’m probably gonna give you the HAM.
The post IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #401 – Thoughts on Rampage – January 27th, 2023 appeared first on Wrestling Headlines.
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