IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #401
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Main DDPYoga Program of the Day: Synergy 40
I watched the other company’s events this past week. I found last Monday’s (not this week, the 30 year) to be painfully boring after the first hour, but watching Saturday’s event in a snowstorm on my phone while someone else drove home was rather pleasant. I still get annoyed by the repetitive phrases that permeate all highlight videos and such, but the Pop of the Century definitely made it worth the watch.
Honorary HAM goes to Sean Ross Sapp of Fightful for the rant he went on today on his livestream. I know it’s not much, but it’s the best I have to offer on this platform. Thank you.
Thoughts on Dynamite – February 1st, 2023
1. It’s Wednesday night, you know what that means. For me, time to take a break from one computer and endless documents and switch to this computer and and the slice of HAMly delight I’ll give out with the rest of the thoughts. Without going into any personal details, because I know people hate that, I definitely need the pleasant distraction today, and I’ll leave it at that.
2. Mox opens up the show along with Wheeler and Mox Sr. This doesn’t take long to get wild. They fight all over the arena, and of course Mox is bleeding already. A bunch of people in the front row are standing, even after they get back into the ring, which I’m sure delights the people behind them.
3. Mox continues to sell the head injury. This is an unusual AEW night of multiple rematches, and I’m curious to see where they all go. It’s almost like if you don’t overuse a trope, it can be more effective or something. Weird.
4. Mox looks to be bleeding from the eyebrow and not the forehead. Hangman seems to be enjoying the heel heat, but then he gets hit right in the fuck bouncing off the ropes, and oof, that looks like it connected more than intended. Either they actually did, or they’re playing it up on both sides an awful lot in these two rematches, and I’m not sure which I’d be less comfortable with.
5. I don’t know if Dayton is typically a great wrestling town, but this does not look well attended. Shame, someone apparently drove the whole way from Tulsa for this, according to that sign.
6. Someone else has a “Jon Moxley, please bleed on me” sign. Um… of all the signs I’ve ever seen, that was one of them.
7. So many back scratchies. And bites. I feel like these things are connected with thought 6, and now I’m uncomfortable.
8. Hangman yells at Mox to stay down like he just read Corey Graves’ fingers or something. I feel like that’s a really bad decision.
9. For a seemingly small crowd, they’re at least loud. It reminds me of being at RAW in February of 2005 in State College, PA. The day when Batista made his Royal Rumble decision and powerbombed Triple H through the table. I was six rows off the floor and there were maybe 1000 people there because a bad snowstorm had come through the area, but that moment popped them like there were ten times that many. I’ve been thinking of going back and watching the shows I was at, because I only have vague memories of most of them. I recently found a disposable camera shot of one of only two pictures that made it to development from that night, and it was right after Dave started yelling at Triple H post-powerbomb. You can see the amount of empty seats in the shot, it’s unreal. I know I found it in part because I’m paranoid of digital erasure, especially of wrestling if they get bought out by someone who gives up on them, but it was still a cool thing to find.
10. Hangman goes for a moonsault and lands on his damn feet. My knees hurt just watching that. He ends up still putting Mox through the conveniently-placed ringside table that has claimed a lot of recent victims.
11. Come on guys, too many boo/yay exchanges.
12. Mox kicked out of the Buckshot Lariat, maybe just out of spite for who used it on Saturday, but either way, big pop for the moment. Mox then does some kind of headlock into a count that almost seemed too long by surprise, but Mox wins.
13. Claudio and Wheeler remember that they are, in fact, all in the same stable unlike last week, and some bickering breaks out between all four of them.
14. Butcher and the Blade getting some promo time? Or no, the Bunny wants to tilt her head at Jamie Hayter, so it’s something. I’ll take it where I can get it. She challenges her to an eliminator match.
15. The magical TV screen interrupts and Britt Baker, of all people, is on the wrong side of a backstage heel beatdown from Saraya and Toni Storm. My, how the turns have tabled.
16. The Acclaimed are out next, and they’re facing a team without an entrance, so I wonder who’s going to win… the champions or Team Jazzy 90s food court cup pants.
17. Billy Gunn gets in the ring for a mid-match scissor party. Come on, yo. Cactus Jack is standing right over there!
18. The Acclaimed win, to the surprise of only anyone who hasn’t seen the show since 2021. The Gunns come out with their Hell on Wheels-wannabe theme while Tony mocks them relentlessly on commentary. I laughed out loud.
19. The Juniors Ass want their title match, and this gives the Acclaimed more time to hype up the crowd while Billy Gunn looks annoyed like it’s a Sunday Night Heat promo in 1999. He walks out on all of them, and the Juniors Ass get really vicious about it. Wow. This is a far cry from pantsing them and pushing them in cement.
20. Senior Ass comes back and the mic doesn’t work. He calls them out about the big boy pants he recently removed to push them into cement on Rampage. He then… gives them a tag title shot? Ooh, that’ll show ’em? I guess? What in the Flying Rhinoceras with Batwings was that?
21. Jack Perry is backstage. How long before he gets interrupted?
22. Jungle Boy has some trauma with tag teams, so I’m guessing that’s the end of JungleHook, which lasted twice as long as Hook’s previous tag teams.
23. Next, we’ve got Konosuke Takeshita against Brian Cage. Will this be in Dayton or Nampa because I expect there to be a considerable amount of potatoes.
24. The Honor club gets plugged again, though I’m still wondering when there will be content there. The tribute show definitely had some, and I appreciated that. Though I wasn’t expecting to see Larry Sweeney in a flashback match and that was rough.
25. Cage gives Takeshita a… reverse buckle bomb? Is that what you’d call getting thrown into the corner from the outside instead of the inside of the ring? Either way, looked like it wasn’t fun to take.
26. Hey, another boo/yay exchange. I wonder if there’ll be more of those or promos interrupted mid-sentence.
27. The suplex over the ropes back into the ring never fails to look damn impressive, whether it’s to Schaff or someone like Takeshita. Cage has been wrestling like there’s a new contract on the line lately, you love to see it.
28. They’ve got the crowd invested in this one. Will Konosuke finally get a big win instead of coming up just short on a great match? I’d argue that both of these guys need a significant win, but Takeshita just a bit more.
29. After the feed goes out just in time for Cage to no-sell a suplex, Takeshita ends up getting, finally, a non-Dark singles win. That was a lot of fun.
30. The JAS Kids on the Block are next with everyone pretending that Jericho isn’t wearing a paisley red vest with nothing under it. Menard is making the most of his screen time. Reminds me of The Rock in the latter days of the Nation at No Way Out 1998. His eyes keep getting wider and he’s either echoing what Jericho is saying, or he’s trying to call the cat over. I had to literally eat a slice of HAM after seeing that, no joke.
31. Danielson is next, and just from the look of Thatcher’s nose, they’re gonna skip the regular potatoes and go for the 53 potato bacon bombs served in a deep-fried pumpkin with buttered scallops.
32. Next, basketball, basketball, the Elite loves basketball. It’s the best game that they play every day! Complete with an “if you weeeillll.” They then get interrupted by… Stokely, Ethan, Matt, and Isiah? All of Matt’s white outfit is most unorthodoxed about that. Don Callis’s half Godfather, half New Orleans Saints rug outfit deserves its own HAM.
33. The Road to heh… IRON man match with MJF continues. The reaction for Danielson seems almost polite by comparison to the first two matches at first.
34. Thatcher’s music hits and my first thought was “Kingsman villain?” Then he came out, and I can’t say I was that far off.
35. This was admittedly not the match I was expecting a dueling chant with, though all of Danielson’s “road to” matches have had them so far. I guess Danielson’s living that true Tweenerstyle.
36. I’d report that Thatcher is working the shoulder, but that’s been pretty much the entire match so far. Danielson’s just got it taped up like he’s Baker Mayfield in 2021. Not that I’m still bitter about that or anything…
37. Thatcher has been out-mat-wrestling Danielson like the early days of Regal, and it isn’t surprising given the reputation they gave the guy going in, but it’s a completely different style of wrestling like all three of the previous Road-To matches have been. What a brilliant series so far.
38. Sign spotting: MJF fears Humble. Is that an Iron Sheik reference? If it isn’t, it should be.
39. I swear I heard a white-cheeked gibbon in the crowd the way the cheer slowly rose. There’s something you wouldn’t want yelling in a contained area. Or maybe I just spend too much time at the zoo.
40. MFJ gets the crowd riled up with that 50 dollar shirt, but a masked guy jumps out of nowhere to take him out. Where’s my fucking money, Denny? Ohai Takeshita Parka, he sure got changed quickly.
41. Danielson gets the win, but Thatcher looks vicious in his debut. MJF and Takeshita continue fighting backstage, but they get broken up. Speaking of outfit HAM… Wow. Renee announces an eliminator match with Takeshita and MJF, so we got two of those next week. Cool! MJF actually has to wrestle on television.
42. Swerve gets a promo about the Rhodes family legacy, and his problem seems to be with nepotism. So they’re going after Pillman, Jr? All right, that’s an interesting method to take, I like it.
43. Danielson gets Rush next week, and Rush is about to get a promo but… this is a huge surprise, he gets interrupted. MJF HAMs it up while Preston looks like he woke up 30 seconds ago. MJF gives him one of five briefcases of cash to beat Danielson by any means necessary.
44. Who has more of a chance of winning their match… Red Velvet this week, or the Bunny next week? Red Velvet doesn’t tilt her head though, you’ve gotta consider that.
45. I really hope Kris Statlander comes back soon. I can’t think of anyone who was in more of a position to break the streak before her unfortunate injury.
46. Jade starts getting the crowd to react more, which is good. I don’t like Velvet’s chances, but she’s had a good story going for the last little while. I’m always glad when the women’s division has more than one active story.
47. Holy shit, Jade holds Velvet over her head, military press-style, outside of the ring, keeps her there as she walks up the steps, and throws her in the ring. That was freaking awesome.
48. Kiera shows up, but it causes Aubrey to be distracted unfortunately. Velvet gets a nearfall out of it. Jade does the toss around into the Jaded and gets the win. 50-0, still unstoppable. Holding pattern until Kris gets back, or is there something else yet to emerge?
49. Jade picks her daughter up out of the crowd and carries her to the back. She’s hiding her face from the camera. My heart…
50. Britt Baker gets a backstage interview with Jamie in the background, and… shock, another interruption. But it’s Ruby Soho in black, so she can do whatever she damn well pleases. It’s an awkward exchange that goes pretty much nowhere, so that happened.
51. Interesting slate of matches going into next week before the main event, the other third match of a series, and the first since I was there to see Darby’s big title win. This will be a banger, I’m sure of it.
52. Darby comes out in a thumbtack Hoodlum jacket. Within a short time, Joe is busted open badly, so the red stuff is on demand tonight. The crowd seems to be chanting for Joe, but that could be proximity-based.
53. Darby gets flipped over on the damn concrete steps, that looked nasty as hell. We’re bookending with brutal crowdfighting and blood just like we began. Darby’s got a cut on his back, I think. He also gets his head thrown wayyyyy too close to the ring steps.
54. Tony accidentally describes the dueling chants as “Let’s Go Darby/Let’s Go Jones.” Must be the Elite segment from earlier, he’s got a basketball Jones. Now that makes you feel like you know karate.
55. I really missed this Samoa Joe, his promos have been fire lately and that mean streak has been such a great combination. He and Darby is a perfect mismatch of styles that just works. Joe’s ruthlessness, Darby’s daredevil…ness. Third time around, still feels fresh.
56. Darby gets slammed into the second-worst game of musical chairs ever, falling slightly short of Ric Flair’s “Pop Goes the Weasel” strut in 2004. Joe got something in his eyes? Powder? Yep, powder. So now we’ve got the deep red blood of Joe mixing with white like it’s the Fargo special. Darby puts on his thumbtack jacket, which is a segment I had to write, and he does a coffin drop with it. Joe somehow kicks out of that, which couldn’t have felt good.
57. Darby starts cutting the damn ring cords. Last time I saw those, they were bungee cords. I’m wondering where he’s going with this. He’s taking the time to go around and cut all of them. He’s taking down the ring but we’ve got all of Rampage to get to yet! He tries to dive after Joe, but Joe NOPES him and he sends himself flipping through the table. It’s almost like you took several minutes cutting ropes to give him time to recover or something.
58. Joe slams him on the thumbtack jacket and tries to choke him with it, but Darby manages to get Joe right in the eyes. This is vicious. Darby goes back up to the top rope with half the ring exposed. Muscle-buster on the damn wood. Joe wins the title back. To resume the feud with Wardlow? I mean, that was a quick switch-around. Wow.
59. Speaking of newly-ponytail-less… Wardlow and his slim jacket are coming out, and it looks like the time off was good for him. Joe manages to escape a Powerbomb symphony on the exposed ring, and now the security shows up. Good plan, since they have such a great co-working relationship.
60. This show was strongest on its ends with some of the middle being a bit weaker than it has been in previous weeks. But that’s a very high standard to live up to, so it wasn’t bad or anything. Just felt like an unusual lull in between brutal capstones. Too many promo interruptions though, it gets old.
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
Gotta go with Jade and the military press show-off. It was so over the top and ridiculous that I couldn’t help but love it.
It’s been a rough day, as I said, but this helped a whole lot. I hope all of you are well and that it’s less cold where you are than here in Minnesota.
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